in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
