Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
