Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
