My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
