Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
