I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My feet surprised me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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