my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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