Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
