Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize