I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's shark week go big or go home
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
