just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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