Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
