so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
