Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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