Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
