Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
