dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Someone came in the potted fern
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
