Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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