you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
