i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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