Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
