i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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