she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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