I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
