he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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