the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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