you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
