Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
