omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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