Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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