At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
