PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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