i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he fucked my hip out of place.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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