I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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