I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
