there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
