I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
