I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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