So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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