I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
