I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
