it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
