I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize