And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
