A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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