bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
