i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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