vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize