I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
