I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
whose ass print is on the piano?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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