i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
