it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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