Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
