She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize