I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
