Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hello my rib-scented angel!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize