I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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