I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
