my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
