Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize