he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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