There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
