I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
vagina is talking i cant
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize