For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
two words...techno handjob
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
