Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
