Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
