happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
