I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
