Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize