U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
