I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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