he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
