so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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