You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
