so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
