I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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