Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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