If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
