PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
