You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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