My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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