First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wear drunk well.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize