I skipped work to stalk him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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