wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm always down for nudity.
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