Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We left an ass print on the piano.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
